i wonder

Does where we've been color who we are now, or does the person we are currently remain pretty much the same no matter what sort of much we wander through on the way through life? I have often asked myself over the course of this particular bump in the road who I am, feeling very much like Jean Val Jean in Les Mis. Who am I? But now I have to ask if I ever really knew myself before this. I surrounded myself with my things, the little minutes that make up our small universe, comforted by the contents of my room, my stuff. I was able to point to it, and say this is me, this place this space. Was I always in search of my self, or did I used to know and lost it because of the shift this event caused? Its brought to the surface many things I thought long gone, long since buried, and yet now I find myself wrestling with them again. what makes me who I am, who we all are? am I me because of my friends, or in spite of them? I can only give factual answers, I am a mom, an ex wife, a sister, a woman. what else? I am a survivor, and sometimes a warrior. I find myself looking back on who I was 6 months ago, passably contented with the status quo, and not knowing of I was lost then too, only turning my head so I couldn't see, wouldn't see. I think its vital in each of our journeys that we ask ourselves this question at least once, and find an answer we are content with. I need to know who am i now? Who was I then? maybe in order to answer the first question, I must answer the second. I don't think we will be able to automatically return to our former lives the minute we return to the house. The trust we had in the universe has been badly shaken, and that will not be restored overnight. Maybe not at all. Its just how it works. I will be seeking the new normal, and can only hope I like what I find when I get there.