getting through

The hard part, I have found, is not the event itself, it's when the long term everyday life kicks in, and you have to get through the day to day, dealing with the fall out the event caused. The rest of the world has forgotten and moved on, and yet the mess still remains for you to deal with. The world expects you to go on, and yet you want to scream "can't you see everything is different now?" But no, to them its not. Life plods onward and we are expected to continue to move through it as I always have. I am different now, not one of us will move through this unscathed, and we are still in the process of finding out who were are on the other side of this thing. Gabe seems to have bounced better than any of us, he just smiles and goes on with his day. Pat refuses to leave the house unless he absolutely has to, and mom had regressed to the point of being old. Then there's me, lost in the maze and trying to find an outlet for the resentment and anger that sometimes bubbles up just beneath the surface. It happens less often now, and I find better ways to deal with it as it does. I don't know if that's dealing with it, or just learning to accept it as a part of my life. I look at my son, and wonder who he is now. Where is the child I raised who wanted to go somewhere every minute of the day, who now wants to stay home. Part of me thinks, God why aren't we past this yet? I can't help but wonder how long this is supposed to take? I find myself looking for the light at the end of my tunnel, and there is none, at least not yet. I know in my head this too shall pass, but my heart is not convinced yet.