"I'm so far away, each step that I take's on my way home"
-Bon Jovi

This sums up nicely where I am right now. I think sometimes I'm never going to get to the end of this nonsense that is my life right now. Logically of course, that's not true but I can't help but wonder when I will see the light at the end of the tunnel. I saw the inside of the house yesterday and it's so hard to tell if they are doing anything at all, except moving stuff around. There's still no walls upstairs, but at least the 6 foot hole in my floor had been repaired. I have to wonder if I will ever feel truly safe in there again or if I will close my eyes at night and wonder what if. I was consumed at first with thoughts of "What if this had happened in the middle of the night?" The smoke was so think and it burned so quickly I might not have been here to even write this, let alone my kids. and we wonder why sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night, unable to fall back asleep. I know I shouldn't let thoughts like that infect my mind, but they seem to wander in of their own accord. That smell, the scent of fire and smoke will probably be in the house forever, one I know I will not forget.