Victim/survivor mentality

So I've never painted myself as a victim. I've always been proud of the things in my life that I've overcome and survived. I don't focus on the slings and slights that are part of the process of life. I try to rise above and not lower myself to their levels. I choose people to be close to me who only love and support me and what I want in life. I try all this, and what do I get? A constant stream of people who seem to feel the need to cut at me and swing at me whenever the opportunity arises. My mother calls me and makes a point of telling me that a friend I haven't seen in 20 years is at the beach. In the next breath tells me there is no room for me at the beach, and not to bother coming down. To me, that's just mean. This isn't just one time. People I choose to let close seem to take a fair amount of pleasure in taking digs like that. People I let in my choice feel the need to take advantage of my nature and take aim at me. This is a theme in my life that has repeated itself many many times. I sit here and ask myself why is this my fate? What am I doing wrong that people close feel no remorse for hurting me? I rise above, I move past. I ignore deflect and defend. It rarely does any good. It only happens again and again. So often the damage leaves no marks, but small scars only I can see, forming and intricate pattern across my skin describing poor choices in my past. I wish it were just her. Its really not. The list goes on and on. I can't say I allow it, but what do I do to prevent it? I've been told in the past that I should retaliate every time, but I don't know if I have that in my nature. Maybe I need to change. Maybe I need to be a castrating bitch. Maybe if I push first people won't feel the need to see what I'll let them get away with. Maybe this is just part of the human experience. I don't know. All I know is I'm really exhausted from wondering where the attack is coming from and how I will need to defend myself this time. I don't know anymore. Maybe I really am too nice. Funny thing is I always thought it was one on my better character features. Maybe mean really is better.
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