control vs influence

What do I influence, and what do I control? As a parent I ask myself this sometimes daily, wondering which I’m looking to accomplish when it comes to my house, my family and my children. Influence, a subtle art, is done more by modeling the behaviors I’d like to see them repeat as adults as they grow. Control comes in the form of bedtimes, teeth brushing and chores. What is control? What does it really mean to control someone? To control, you mean to push someone else wants and needs aside in favor of your own. Some cases, especially when it comes to kids, its needed. They do not want to go to bed at a decent hour or eat their veggies or do their homework. I control them so that these things get done. Knowing that I control and influence their lives has caused me to adjust some parts of my life to fit who I hope they will be someday. I think most parents do this. Beyond children how much influence and control do we really have over the people we choose to let into our lives? We all like to think that we can control our circumstances and to a degree we can by deciding who we do and do not allow into our lives, out inner circle if you will. We control that access, but adding and removing people as we see fit. In this way we control our own environments to suit the needs we have to fill within ourselves. It could be argued that in this manner we control these around us as well by determining whether or not they are allowed I within our boundaries, but their actions, their choices remain firmly in their control. I believe we all like to think we can control those closest to us in the form of pushing them to make the choices we feel will bring them the most joy in their lives, but in reality, that’s not the case at all. I think many of wish we could put a finger into the lives of the people we love the most, when we see the mistakes they are about to make and wish we could stop them from making. If we could do that, if we really had the ability to control others like that, would we keep those that we love from learning the lessons along they way they are meant to learn? I know I have learned more from my epic failures than I ever have the things I did correctly the first time. If we could control the lives of those around us, would we be doing them a disservice by indulging ourselves like that? I look at those closest to me, and their lives and choices. I hope to influence their lives if they choose to allow me to be part of the process, if they even need someone to influence their choices. I love these people and have chosen them to be within my barriers because they are strong people who know their own minds and are captains of their own ship, to speak. These people, as dear to me as family, are not pushovers and I admire that about each and every one of them. If they were doormats, I would lose some respect for them, I think. The people who can stand up for what they believe in, and do what it takes to find their own voice and their own happiness are the people I want closest to me when the chips are down. We all try to make the best choices in our lives and we all have missteps along the way. But we also correct those and learn from them. Isn’t that what were all here to do, to learn and to love each other? Well I know I still have a bunch of lessons to learn, but I hope I’ve got the love part down so far. I hope some of my better choices might influence people around me, but I hope I’m never able to control any of them. I respect all of them too much for that to happen.  And I hope if I ever try, they love me enough to not allow it to happen.