I was coming out of Target tonight, my mind racing with the information of both a therapist and a psychiatrist and a son who is falling deeper and deeper into the depths of PTSD. I feel like I'm losing my son little by little, piece by piece and there's nothing I can do to stop it. Both professionals agree there's a problem and its in the process of being addressed. All I know is I want my kid back the way he used to be. Anyway, I was coming out of Target, and the pictures above represent what I saw in the parking lot. I stopped, stared for a full couple of minutes, unable to tear my eyes away. I started to think about rainbows, and what they once represented in our biblical history. I have always thought a rainbow was a sign from God, because in order to see one, the circumstances have to be exactly right. There almost has to be a divine hand involved to see something so perfect, so fleeting. Once upon a time a rainbow represented a promise to us from God. I think it still does. This experience with the fire has rocked my faith like nothing before it, and I find myself questioning over and over why God had chose my family to give this to. I sat and looked at the rainbow, surprised to feel tears prick the backs of my eyes. I have been angry, very very angry for a while now. I looked and looked at this visual in front of me and found myself wondering if this was meant for me. This was followed with thinking how selfish this kind of thinking was, like this kind of creation could possibly be just for me. Yeah right. I wondered again, was God trying to get me a message? Was He trying to tell me, remind me that He is still here, and that I have not been left alone in this wilderness? I am not ready yet to begin the conversation with Him, not just yet, but maybe I needed a reminder that with all this stress and all this self doubt I have been wading through, this could possibly serve as reminder that its dark right now but I'm heading in the right direction. I am feeling very lost, but maybe I've at least got my feet on the right path.